Back by popular demand - THE KLEINCHIK INVITATIONAL!!!!!!!

For those of you who have waited patiently - the Kleinchik Invitational is back and the prizes this year are fantastic!!!!!

For those of you who are new to the Kleinchik Invitational the rules are as follows:

1. We have posted two videos and we want you to describe what is in the videos, caption the videos or come up with a new word describing some thing or act depicted in the videos. You can do this for just one or both. If you do more than one entry please let us know which one it is for since we sometimes have a hard time understanding/deciphering the responses.
2. We have included some examples to show how clever we are.
3. You may submit as many entries as you want for each video.
4. The King and Queen will judge which of the entries is the funniest.
5. The King and Queen like scatological, sixth grade humor.
6. Any entry and/or email about the contest can be used at the discretion of the King and Queen. The entries may be altered at our discretion. Please remember that people you do not know can possibly land at the Kleinchik website if they Google the right word.

NOTE: In the past there were many people who entered and complained when their entry was not selected as the winner. Remember, this is a very subjective contest and is judged solely on the taste (or lack of taste) of the King and Queen.  

NOTE: Also note that some underage individuals may be reading this website so the King and Queen sometimes need to be careful with the responses they publish. In some cases we will take the liberty of altering the language of an entry to conform to our standards of decency (or standards of depravity).

NOTE: If you feel (even slightly) that your response may be too obtuse for the limited thinking of the King and Queen, please include a note about what the entry means. We have gotten some entries which must have been written while the entrant was visiting the planet Mars and we had no idea what it was about.

Video Number One: The House Boat


Sample Entry 1: The Italian economy is so bad that Guido had to take a job as a boat engine.

Sample Entry 2: Row, Row, Row your boathouse gently down the river. Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life sucks.

Video Number Two: The Scooter Race


Sample Entry: A young Silvio Berlusconi shows off his scooter skills to an even younger Ruby Heartbreaker. (Note: Silvio Berlusconi is the current Prime Minister of Italy and has been involved with Ruby Heartbreaker a 16 (or 17) (or 18) year old lady of the night and sometimes day.)

Photo Number Three: The Grandma

NOTE: Ok… So I have taken some grief for the second video in the 2011 Kleinchik Invitational. Although I have received quite a few good entries some people have said that it is too hard. First - a note on why that video was selected. When the King was growing up In Brooklyn, NY he built a scooter just like the one in the video. I was very proud of it and went all over the neighborhood on it. Seeing those kids on those scooters brought back memories. I know that should not be a reason to select a video for the contest but I did…..

So… we are adding one more photo to the contest. We still want entries for both videos but here is a new one:

When the King and Queen were in Los Angeles we were in a hotel where you could buy movies to watch - including XXX rated movies. While the King and Queen were examining the choices (yes - we did) we found this one:

So the contest is now expanded to the following:

- Rename the title of this video to something that will make us laugh. Example: (GILFs Gone Wild) NOTE: If I have to explain this one to you then do not bother to enter.)
- Change the title of any song to match this video. (Example: Eighty One Candles)
- Change the title of a movie to match this video and if necessary describe the movie. (Example: Where the Grandmas Are - starring Connie Francis as the wild and sexy Grandma who goes to Fort Lauderdale in search of love in a Senior Citizens Home.)


A few comments before we announce the winners. As has been the case for the last few contests we have a few people who participate but they do send in terribly funny entries. The King and Queen thank each of you for your entries and we do prefer quality over quantity.

The winners are hard to pick each year and the decision is very subjective and based strictly on whether they make us laugh. Since everyone laughs at different things you may not agree with our choices. If this is the case enter next time and make us laugh.

In the past we have published the full name of the participants but due to the ability of people to search (google) anything we have had some hits on searches that turned up entries in our contest that led to embarrassing results. Due to this we only publish first names with descriptions of who the person is.

And finally an email from my cousin Roger - who did not enter. Roger wrote after we extended the deadline of the contest:

“Maybe if you keep extending it someone will play.”

We already had most of the entries by that time. Most people who can think up funny things to say do so right away. Obviously, Roger cannot.

THE PRIZES: The contest winners will be receiving a special 150th Anniversary Edition of Tic Tacs. For the 150th anniversary of the reunification of Italy, Tic Tac has made a `Collector's' limited edition of red, white and green candies.  Red, white and green are the colors of the Italian flag. The box says "confetti ai gusti arancia, lime e ciliegia" - delicious candy of orange, lime and cherry. Not sure where the orange comes from but assuming the cherry is red and the lime is green then the orange is the white?


FASTEST RESPONSE AWARD WINNER: This year a new record was set - we had the fastest response we have ever had to the contest from Andy in Tucson. Andy responded with his entry in less than 3 hours.

MOST ENTRIES: Kathy (6 entries), a co-worker of Hynda's from NIH narrowly beat out Leonard (5 entries) from Florida.

Video 1:

This was the video of the man rowing at the side of what appears to be a large boat house.

Kathy (A co-worker of the Queen and over the years the most prolific of the entrants): Last time I purchase a row house sight unseen....
Andy (A University Professor/Doctor and long time friend of the Queen from Arizona):   Assigned to provide human power to the first whorehouse boat, he grew to appreciate the landmark ruling, “Row vs. Laid.”

Leonard (A friend from Camp in the 1950s who the King found through Facebook): For Sale: Eight Unit River Plying Condominium with rooftop sun decks and exclusive “Armstrong” power propulsion system (in developmental stage) Bonus blue ball dingy for cash buyer. Inquire immediately. This won't last long (nor will the propulsion system!)
Peter (The brother of the Queen): I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I...
Morgan (The son of the King):   Gather around tourists!  And here we have Graziano rowing at the world's first sustainable energy houseboat. Yes, you heard right! Since 1985, the tenants' human power has been generating enough watts to power the whole boat!  But what's interesting, and a little strange, is Graziano's time slot is usually later in the day.  Hmm.  If I remember correctly, it's from 3 to 6.  Ah! I know what happened, Graziano's a little forgetful in his old age and his wife, Flavia, banishes him to the rower if he forgets to bring home tomatoes and fresh herbs for last night's supper. Oh well! Now everybody wave to him and say, "Ciao, Graziano!" Now onto the Castel Sant' Angelo!  It's simply MARVELOUS! Watch your step, please.  Does everyone like our hats?
Rebecca (A friend from Rome who wound up living behind us in DC - then off to London - and now back in Rome):  "Oi Nino! A-faster! There's-a no electreecity in-a room 212!"
Denise (Daughter of my business partner): Just three more pounds and i can have a prosciutto panini on rye with a little mustard and extra pickle.....delizioso!
Video 2:
This was the video of the kids riding the handmade scooters in placecountry-regionItaly.
Kathy (A co-worker of the Queen and over the years the most prolific of the entrants): Early testing of the Toyota steering system.
Morgan (Son of the King):   Say goodbye to your wallet, cameraman. It's a distraction. Those are gypsy kids.

Leonard (A friend from Camp in the 1950s who the King found through Facebook): Prince and Princess handmade scooters and drivers with exclusive Lady in Waiting attendant for use during boring summer vacations. Make offer.
Peter (The Queen's brother): FOUR PLAY

Morgan (Son of the King):.  Tupac lives!
Rebecca (A friend from  who would up living behind us in DC - then off to London - and now back in Rome):    Eager to ride the success of the Formula Uno in Monza, the mayor of Brunate inaugurates the Formula Zero.
This was the photo taken of the TV advertisement for Granny porn at the hotel in Los Angeles.
Leonard (A friend from Camp in the 1950s who the King found through Facebook):  The Graminator. The story of a little ole lady who would rather rip your heart out than bake a cookie!

Leonard (A friend from Camp in the 1950s who the King found through Facebook):   Transgrannies, the documentary.

Leonard (A friend from Camp in the 1950s who the King found through Facebook):   My Granny….formerly Diana…. I'm so young and you're so old this my darling I've been told…oh, please, stay by me, My Granny.

Gale (the King's cousin): The Golden Girls Give It A Whirl
Kathy (A co-worker of the Queen and over the years the most prolific of the entrants): The Golden Furls
        NOTE: In order to make sure what Kathy was referring to I looked up `furls' in the dictionary. It means: to wrap or roll (as a sail or a flag) close to or around something.
Kathy (A co-worker of the Queen and over the years the most prolific of the entrants): Shake, Waddle and Fold
Kathy (A co-worker of the Queen and over the years the most prolific of the entrants): "It ain't over till the fat granny slings."
Muriel (A friend from Israel): Title:  Grannies Riding Hood: That all time childhood classic about the big bad wolf and the special love between a granddaughter and her grandma…
Walter (the Queen's brother-in-law): Zesty Zilda Zimmerman's and her Zebra Zephyr Make Zygosis in Zhdanov
     NOTE: Walter includes this definition of zephyr: a noun - a gentle, mild breeze, or the west wind, or any of various things of fine, light quality, as fabric, yarn, etc.