How I Spent My Summer Vacation
How I Spent My Summer Vacation or Prostate on Parade
(September 14, 2004)
For those of you who have gotten to this page I want to remind you that part of the reason that Hynda and I are doing this website is so that we have a permanent record of our 6 months in Italy. Some of the items that we are entering are strictly for this record - this section is one. If you really want to learn about catheterization, TURP, BHP and other assorted things related to the prostate gland then read on. If you are not interested then the short version is I had a TURP on August 13th in Washington which is basically a roto rotor procedure on the prostate and I am recovering fine with complete function. The biopsy was benign.
Monday, August 2nd
While hiking I found I had to urinate more often than normal. We were above the tree line with other hikers so it became quite a game of trying to finish before hikers rounded the next curve in the trail. It proceeded to get worse as the day and night progressed.
Tuesday, August 3rd
I went to an emergency room in a nearby town hoping that I had just a bladder or kidney infection. The hospital was very neat and clean but the medical crew spoke Swiss, German, Italian, French, and a little English. Would they be able to tell the difference between my testa (head) and my pene (penis)? Culture of my blood and urine showed no infection. The only positive part of the experience was the emergency room nurse was beautiful and she touched my pene. They did tell me to continue drinking.
Wednesday, August 4th
We were supposed to return to DC on the 7th but Hynda managed to change the reservation to the 5th so we got up early to make the 3 hour drive to Milan and booked a hotel for the evening. I had been up all night trying to urinate but could not. Instead of driving back to Milan we went straight to the emergency room again. My stomach was very bloated and was very tender to the touch. The beautiful emergency room technician was not there but was replaced by a beautiful man who told me that I would have to be catherized and it would not hurt (him?). Hynda left for the waiting room but did hear me scream as they gently (HA!) inserted the catheter. There was instant relief as the fluid of the last two days poured out. Hynda drove the entire three hours to our hotel in Milan near the airport.
Thursday, August 5th
Delta Airlines turned out to be very accommodating. They made sure that I had a seat near the bathroom so I did not have to walk far and also they had a wheel chair ready in Atlanta where we had to change planes. We skipped all the lines at immigration and customs. I recommend this as a trick to be used in the future if you are traveling at busy times internationally.
Friday, August 6th
We went to Sibley Hospital to meet with my urologist. He basically told me that I had the wrong type catheter in. Mine was the on/off kind instead of the bag kind. He outfitted me with the bag kind and since I had come to the hospital with shorts - I left with the bag hanging out of the bottom of my shorts - not a pretty sight.
Tuesday, August 10th
The King gets two opinions which basically means giving two doctors the excuse to violate the King with fingers, hands and large cameras. A sonogram of my prostate shows that it is about twice the size of a normal prostate but not large enough to be removed. I have two options. (1) Just remove catheter and double my medication and if I seemed OK send me back to Rome. When I asked him about what happens if I have a reoccurrence of the inability to urinate he said that he would give me a self-catherization kit and show me how to catherize myself. Needless to say I did not consider this a viable option since I have trouble swallowing an aspirin. (2) A TURP (transurethral resection of the prostate) which is basically a roto rotor of the prostate to enlarge the area where the urethra passes through. The side effects included retrograde ejaculation where the sperm goes back into the bladder instead of out the penis… that is instead of coming you went!!! This would obviously be a problem if Hynda and I were thinking of getting pregnant. Other possible side effects included incontinence and inability to get an erection.
Friday, August 13th
Surgery was performed on the King. They took some tissue to be biopsy and it turned out to be cancer free.
Sunday, August 15th
During the night the King has a dream about the Queen and one of the possible side effects is no longer a concern. The King, however, realizes that it is not a good thing to be thinking about sexual things when you have a catheter in!!! He also wonders if there are some women out there who might be attracted to a man with a catheter.
On Sunday morning the King has the catheter removed but spends the entire day in agony as he cannot urinate. I never thought I would look forward to being catheterized but had to wait until 6PM!!! The King is sent home after being catheterized.
Wednesday, August 18th
The King has the catheter removed for good and pees on his own for the first time in 2 weeks. The Queen flies to Martha's Vineyard to celebrate the 60th wedding anniversary of her parents and to tell her parents she does not have to have sex with me for three more weeks.
Thursday, September 2
The doctor gives the King permission to return to Rome but with the provision that he not lift anything, exercise or have sex for at least three more weeks. The doctor sees my running shirt and claims none of you runners listen but tells me I must not run.
Wednesday, September 8th
The King and Queen leave for Rome!!!